Six stages of acceptance of yourself

By Thrive | ! Without a column

Feb 15

Ourselves, beloved, we value more often in words. In reality, everyone has their own difficulties with the adoption of their own character and/or body, weaknesses, actions, restrictions. Psychotherapist Ekaterina Sigitova in the book “The Recipe for Happiness” signs the causes and consequences of rejection, and most importantly, offers a clear step -by -step strategy.

To accept yourself does not mean to come to terms with your shortcomings and learn how to enjoy something unattractive or unpleasant in yourself. It is about first of all to recognize reality, facts. See yourself. If something is present, recognize the fact of presence. If absent, recognize the fact of the absence. That is, not “I’m good,” but “I am like that”. Not “it’s good”, but “it is so”.

Acceptance gives flexibility in finding a solution to their problems and strength to develop and take care of yourself. The psychotherapist Ekaterina Sigitova writes about this in the book “Recipe for happiness. Take yourself three times a day “. The recipe seems simple, but in order for the “dish” to work out, you need to devote a certain amount of effort and time to this.

The psychotherapist identifies five consistent stages along this path (six for self -love):

  • Observation,
  • addiction,
  • Salting,
  • recognition of value,
  • Adoption,
  • Love.

It is very difficult to pass these stages, especially if you have an “weeding” in the form of an injury or personal problems. “Usually the difficulties begin at the first stage, since observing itself inevitably causes many strong feelings,” writes the author of the book, “irritation, impotence, and anger, disgust, shame, guilt, and despair.

The conflict with an “unacceptable thing” is aggravated, because we make ourselves seriously at her. Immediately we have a huge temptation to interrupt the observation and never repeat again. Maybe it is there somehow. If you still continue to observe, despite all these strong emotions and an aggravated conflict with yourself, then after some time it will become a little easier and the second stage will come-addiction ”.

This stage is effectively undergoing in the process of psychotherapy: psychologists know a lot about the causes and valuable aspects of all “unacceptable pieces”

The “thing” that you are going to accept in yourself will still annoy you, and enrage, and bring you into despair, but not so much. You will already get used to it that it is, and you can look at yourself without curling and not shuddering. The sign of the successful passage of this stage is the appearance of annoyance: eh, annoying, well, okay.

The third stage is when, after getting used to an “unacceptable thing” in yourself, you suddenly find out with surprise that the annoyance also passed and you became practically the same.

Yes, you have this “thing”. Well, we live on. We do not feel warm feelings at all, but also cold, oddly enough, too. Share somewhere. Many people stop at this stage, they have enough for them for life. Actually, you can do so.

The fourth stage is when you find with even greater amazement that in your “unacceptable thing” there is something interesting, valuable and important. That she arose not just like that she was actually intended for something good, for example, in order to protect and protect you, but she did not really succeed.

It can be extremely difficult for those whose “things” do not serve anything good, do not intend to do this and bring a lot of pain (yes, it happens too). Therefore, you may need a lot of patience and support both from yourself and from others. This stage is effectively undergoing in the process of psychotherapy: psychologists know a lot about the causes and valuable aspects of all “unacceptable pieces” and can effectively help you advance towards the fifth stage – acceptance – acceptance.

Sometimes the third and fourth stages change places: the fourth goes first and helps to “arrive” in the third stage.

The sixth stage, to which few reaches, is sincere warmth and tenderness to the newly invited, former “unacceptable thing”

The fifth stage – when you, having discovered the positive side in your “unacceptable thing”, integrate it into yourself. In the process, the label of unacceptability and rejection is removed, and you become a little more whole.

This is like how a homeless person, knocking for a long time in a room from a frosty street, is finally invited inside and give him a chair, food and a blanket. Or how a strange animal is released from the cage and stroked, and then put bowls in front of it and put a lieutenant, indicating that it will live here, with us. Or to the fact that the broken -out piece of a beautiful plate “grew” back. As a rule, it is at this stage that happiness is already coming, because the restored integrity contains a lot of pleasure.

The sixth stage, which few reaches, is sincere warmth and tenderness for the newly invited, former “unacceptable thing” and willingness to protect it, despite all the difficulties that are associated with it. Those who have reached a do not go back (except, perhaps, cases of strong crises, but not for long and shallow) “”.

In the “Recipe for Happiness”, Ekaterina Sigitova explains in detail how to travel between stages, and gives tasks that help to see herself – her body with its unique features, her past with his failures and successes, his character with his advantages and weaknesses – to come tofeeling: yes, there is something valuable in all this, I can live with this and I want to be myself, and not someone else. Here are two such tasks.

Exercise “Detection of differences”

This exercise will help you find, and then try to look at your characteristics in a new way. Execution period – 2-4 days.

1. To perform the exercise, find the interlocutors, as an option – on the Internet. The main thing is that there are not too many of them.

2. Remember your feature that is difficult for you to accept. You can tell the interlocutors about it.

3. Find out how the situation is with this feature of your interlocutors and in general for other people. Disassemble what exactly the differences are.

4. Try not to fall into the feeling of your defectiveness and inferiority and not try to adapt to the interlocutors, and live this experience only as detecting differences: “You have a completely different way! Wow, I didn’t think (a) that it happens. Interesting! curious! We are all so different “.

5. Think about your impressions. Did you manage to survive something in a new way? No? How do you generally feel?

Exercise “From” Sorry ” – to” Thank you “

Suitable for those who feel too often guilty of something in themselves and is too much apologize for it. The feeling of guilt is a bad satellite, it does not allow us to develop and improve, does not support, but only burns everything around. But it, oddly enough, is well “converted” into gratitude, and this whole converting process helps to accept itself as a whole, as is.

Every time you want to apologize, reformulate it in gratitude. Next, either say gratitude instead of an apology, or add a second offer. Thus, the emphasis will be shown from self -abasement (negative shade) for heat and gratitude (positive shade).

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